The past week, as I have reflected my action towards my marriage, I know that I was being complacent. Complacent in giving affection, complacent in giving affirmations, complacent in making love. This was all probably because I wasn’t able to get the answer that I want, that is to transfer our young family somewhere a little farther from my in-laws which is another story.
I know it was immature of me, and yes, I still have more growing up to do. So one morning as we wake up, I said sorry to hubby for not being a good wife lately. He chuckled and told me he wasn’t able to notice it which gave me a feeling of relief. I plan to dismiss the issue but hubby kept on prying as to why I said that. So, I presented to him my case again.
I was aware then of my complacency, but of course I knew too that I couldn’t prolong it knowing that complacency precedes several marital conflicts. As I ponder on it, there are already plenty of challenges and enemies that every marriage is facing including ours. Among them are lack of communication, lack of quality time, lack of understanding and so on. But come to think of it, aren’t all these a byproduct of complacency?
When there’s a handful of unfinished business and un-addressed hurts in a marriage, aren’t the couple fell on the trap of complacency to communicate their feelings, expose their vulnerabilities and swallow their pride? When there is a lack of bonding time with each other, aren’t they being complacent to get out of their comfort zone, temporarily leave their preoccupations or hobbies and take the inconvenience of deliberately making time for their spouse?
When there is a lack of understanding, aren’t the couple being complacent to forget one’s self, to listen with an understanding heart and to seek to understand?
Having written these things clearly, I know I couldn’t let myself fall on this trap. Because complacency is like a termite that slowly eats away the love and vitality in a marriage. And that if one fails to maintain and keep his marriage on check, he will one day wake up suddenly feeling the crippling symptoms of his ailing marriage.
It’s easy to be swayed by the current of our daily preoccupations and long term aspirations that we lose our focus on our marriage. I don’t know about you, but with God, I’m willing to take the hard work and paddle against the current in order to make my marriage work.
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