When I was watching one of Joel Osteen’s talk (a renowned preacher and writer in US) about husbands and wives, he shared that one time, while he was staring at his wife who was looking all sloppy and disheveled at that time, he asked himself, “Who is this woman walking around inside my room?”
In another instance, one wife shared about her husband who just came home after a whole day of work. She was watching tv with ruffled hair and baggy clothes when the husband approached and told her, “I don’t know what to call you anymore, will I call you “honey” or will I call you “Inday?”
These scenarios are amusing and are very relateable. What isn’t clear to me is whether these husbands were just kidding or not. But whatever manner our husbands commented on how we look, maybe it is worthwhile to consider their remarks.
How we take care of ourselves really matter to our men. Consider this survey from the book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About The Inner Lives of Menby Shaunti Feldhahn. The survey was randomly done to more than 800 men from different backgrounds in US.
“Imagine your wife/significant other is overweight, wears baggy sweats when you are home, and only does her hair and make up to go out. She hates being overweight, but nothing much changes and lately you’ve seen her eating more sweets. What goes through your mind? [Choose all correct answers]
Shaunti’s husband and their friend talked about how essential it is for the wife to take care of herself. And in disbelief the author further added,
“Is this statement true or false? “I want my wife/significant other to look good and feel energetic. It is not as important that she look just like she did the day we met. It is more important that she make the effort to take care of herself for me now.” [Choose one answer]
But why is it that important to men?
“When you take care of yourself, I feel loved”
Since men are so visual, seeing us make the effort to look good makes them feel loved and cared for. It matters to them in the same way it matters to us when we notice our husbands making an effort to do things that make us feel loved — especially when they are things that are difficult or don’t come naturally.
It’s funny to reminisce the time when we were still dating. We picked up our clothes carefully and made sure our hair didn’t have minds of their own. All for the purpose of looking good and attractive in front of our then boyfriends. And now after a year or so of marriage, of living under one roof, we just don’t care anymore.
This post goes to all of us, to those who can relate, especially to stay at home and working moms. We exert effort to appear beautiful and attractive in front of other people, but we forget that our most important audience is our husbands.
It’s understandable right? It’s not easy juggling all the work we have, taking care of baby/kids and hubby, maintaining the house and attending to our personal stuff. The last thing that we want to do, is to look in the mirror and check on our clothes, our hair and our face.
With this awareness, I personally cannot promise that I can look blooming all the time. As a wife, I still do need acceptance from my husband for the times when I look like a mess. And I truly thank God that I have that kind of husband, who accepts me as me.
But as a wife who deeply cares about my husband’s needs, I should also make an effort on my part. So as often as I can and as much as I can, I need to be mindful of how I care for myself physically.
I don’t need to have a face or a body of a magazine cover model. My husband married and loved me despite my physical insecurities. All I need is to take care of myself and how I look, not just for me but also for my hubby. In this way, he will also feel loved by me.
We should take good care of ourselves not for anybody else’s sake but our own.
Include your hubby too, LOL! You became one soul and one body when you got married =)
I was once asked by my close friend why I still where lipstick even when I’m just at home, I answered ” well actually I was about to do my laundry that time when I decided to take a snapshot of myself and posted it in FB:) My point was exactly as your post, I wanted to look neat and pretty for my husband even when I’m just at home. Months later, my close friend got separated from her husband, her mom came home from Italy and thought her to regain her confidence.. now she uses make up more than I do at home:)
You are right sis Mai, it not only makes us feel good about ourselves but it also makes our hubbies feel special. That’s sad about your friend, I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with appearance, LOL! By itself, it’s lame. =)
That was an interesting post. 🙂
Camille Aguila says
I almost cried. I can relate as I’m a SAHM too and I thought the way I look, whether under the baggy shirt or a pair of skimpy shorts, doesn’t matter at all because I’m already married. But reading this makes me realize I was not doing much for my husband. Thanks! Helps me a lot 🙂 Great blog!
Thanks sis Camille for dropping by =) I guess most women think that way. Reading materials like the book I mentioned here is such an eye opener. Be sexy and beautiful! I’m glad you got something from this post =D
Lyra N. Daganzo (@sweetwahvu) says
Bawal ang losyang! 😀 When you like what you see in the mirror, and you get compliments about it as well, you feel more sexy and beautiful and this greatly affects your relationship with your husband. So as a WAHM, even when I’m just working in my sleepwear or running errands outside, I make it a point to wear lipstick and dab some perfume on me. It makes a lot of difference really 🙂
Thanks Lyra for sharing your simple beauty regimen at home. And I agree compliments boost our “ganda ego.” =)
Mrs. Kolca says
I take care of myself by eating healthy (as much as I can), doing exercise and shopping (for therapeutic purposes.. haha). As for hubby, I always try to cook healthy foods for him. I would normally serve him green salads, plain yogurt and a little meat.
Hi sis thank you for dropping by! =) Awts! That’s what I need, eat healthy and exercise. I guess it’s time for our Xbox to resurrect.
Anne @ GreenEggs&Moms says
I’m impressed with this post. I like how you used stats to drive home the point, Nova. And I do agree with you completely in that we ought to work for meeting our husbands’ needs. If it means getting up 15 minutes earlier just to make sure we wear something nice for the day, go ahead and do so. The rewards of the small act are priceless.
Thank you sis Anne! I like that idea of waking up earlier. Will apply that when baby gets bigger as she wakes up way earlier than me. =)
Roxi @ Mr. Jacob's Mom says
While I don’t necessary wear make-up at home, my reason being that I don’t want any of that stuffy rubbing off on Jacob’s face/skin when we monkey around, I make sure I look decent and my hygiene is great. I don’t want my husband hugging a stinky, sweaty, oily wife, so I do make efforts to be really clean and nice smelling for him.
I agree with you, hygiene is really what matters and looking neat too =)