When I was watching one of Joel Osteen’s talk (a renowned preacher and writer in US) about husbands and wives, he shared that one time, while he was staring at his wife who was looking all sloppy and disheveled at that time, he asked himself, “Who is this woman walking around inside my room?”
In another instance, one wife shared about her husband who just came home after a whole day of work. She was watching tv with ruffled hair and baggy clothes when the husband approached and told her, “I don’t know what to call you anymore, will I call you “honey” or will I call you “Inday?”
These scenarios are amusing and are very relateable. What isn’t clear to me is whether these husbands were just kidding or not. But whatever manner our husbands commented on how we look, maybe it is worthwhile to consider their remarks.
How we take care of ourselves really matter to our men. Consider this survey from the book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About The Inner Lives of Menby Shaunti Feldhahn. The survey was randomly done to more than 800 men from different backgrounds in US.
“Imagine your wife/significant other is overweight, wears baggy sweats when you are home, and only does her hair and make up to go out. She hates being overweight, but nothing much changes and lately you’ve seen her eating more sweets. What goes through your mind? [Choose all correct answers]
Shaunti’s husband and their friend talked about how essential it is for the wife to take care of herself. And in disbelief the author further added,
“Is this statement true or false? “I want my wife/significant other to look good and feel energetic. It is not as important that she look just like she did the day we met. It is more important that she make the effort to take care of herself for me now.” [Choose one answer]
But why is it that important to men?
“When you take care of yourself, I feel loved”
Since men are so visual, seeing us make the effort to look good makes them feel loved and cared for. It matters to them in the same way it matters to us when we notice our husbands making an effort to do things that make us feel loved — especially when they are things that are difficult or don’t come naturally.
It’s funny to reminisce the time when we were still dating. We picked up our clothes carefully and made sure our hair didn’t have minds of their own. All for the purpose of looking good and attractive in front of our then boyfriends. And now after a year or so of marriage, of living under one roof, we just don’t care anymore.
This post goes to all of us, to those who can relate, especially to stay at home and working moms. We exert effort to appear beautiful and attractive in front of other people, but we forget that our most important audience is our husbands.
It’s understandable right? It’s not easy juggling all the work we have, taking care of baby/kids and hubby, maintaining the house and attending to our personal stuff. The last thing that we want to do, is to look in the mirror and check on our clothes, our hair and our face.
With this awareness, I personally cannot promise that I can look blooming all the time. As a wife, I still do need acceptance from my husband for the times when I look like a mess. And I truly thank God that I have that kind of husband, who accepts me as me.
But as a wife who deeply cares about my husband’s needs, I should also make an effort on my part. So as often as I can and as much as I can, I need to be mindful of how I care for myself physically.
I don’t need to have a face or a body of a magazine cover model. My husband married and loved me despite my physical insecurities. All I need is to take care of myself and how I look, not just for me but also for my hubby. In this way, he will also feel loved by me.