You Can’t Save Your Spouse Who Doesn’t Want to be Saved

They do not have children and they live on their own. It would have been acceptable for Aileen if the husband is reliable in house chores, drives for Aileen here and there, and connects with her emotionally. But all he does was play with his online games, neglecting to do the chores and take care of their relationship, and even committed infidelity. Apparently, he couldn’t give any support materially, physically, and emotionally.

In another example, Teresa was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a husband who is also jobless. For more than a decade, she endured her husband’s lack of domestic and financial contribution. She also endured the hurtful words he hurled at her. Teresa only sought counseling because she couldn’t get a grip of herself when she found out his unfaithfulness.

When Teresa and Aileen receive a logical advice from friends to leave their relationship and start a new life, they would worry about what is going to happen to their husbands once they leave them. Aileen even has this belief that you only leave people when they are in a better place. That is why she will only leave the marriage once her husband finds a job, which ironically has been their struggle for a decade.

We cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It’s like saving a drowning person who refuses to hold onto you or make himself heavier. He just wanted to stay where he is. No matter how much you try to save them, your effort will just be fruitless. You will just end up drowning and drowning with them.

What does drowning looks like for you? Your choice to stay because you want to save your spouse will suck the life out of you. You gravitate your world in an effort of trying to improve him and his life. As a consequence, you forget to take care of yourself, you forget to pursue your happiness. Chronic marital conflicts such as this is stressful which can cause you some depressive symptoms.

Aileen and Teresa are just among those many women who struggle with this belief. The savior complex must have come from their past, such as their childhood histories. It is highly recommended that women who have this belief must seek an individual counseling/psychotherapy to discover the root of their underlying issues and receive an appropriate support and intervention.