It’s not the yearly, fancy travel that creates a strong marriage, nor the expensive gifts that each one of you receive from each other, but it’s those daily little things that you do for one another that strengthens the bond of a marriage.
As they say, “little things are the big things.” This saying also holds true in a marriage. The everyday couple interactions are what shape a satisfying marriage. Research suggests that couples who spend more time talking together report greater relationship satisfaction, closeness, and perception of more positive qualities in their relationships (1). In addition, couples who engage in playful and enthusiastic behaviors during everyday interactions are better equipped in handling conflict constructively (2).
Here are the four ways on how to increase and maintain relationship bond in your marriage.
1. Create and respond to “bids of connection.“
According to Dr. John Gottman, a marital therapist and researcher, a bid for connection is any attempt, verbal or nonverbal, that a person makes to connect with their partner. These bids can be as simple as a comment about the weather or a shared laugh, or as complex as a deep conversation about a personal issue.
To do that, share an interesting thing that happened to you, whether it’s an event from the office, a controversial story that you read, or a new milestone of your toddler. It could even be a funny meme or a video.
When it’s your spouse who’s initiating the sharing, show interest and give attention to what they are saying. Do not criticise, ignore, or shut them down.
2. Spend quality time
Life is busy, and there are gazillion of things vying for your attention. Thus, it is important for couples to carve time for each other, even when life pulls you in different directions. Couples who have greater time spent together experience more intimacy, affection, quality communication, and better conflict resolution (3).
It could be going out on a simple date night, cuddling up on the couch, watching a movie together, and eating together in the dining or living room.
3. Show affection and appreciation
When your spouse did something for you like cooked a food, gave you a glass of water, or opened the car for you, make sure to say “thank you.”
From out of the blue you can give them a hug, a kiss, a back rub or any words and form of physical affection that express your love and gratitude to each other. Little gestures of kindness can go a long way.
4. Support each other
During times of stress, listen and emphatize with your spouse. Show understanding and always choose his side, despite noticing that it may come from their shortcomings.
During moments of achievements, celebrate their successes, no matter how big and small. You show this by praising them or giving them a tap on the back.
REFERENCES:
(1)Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J., & Baucom, B. R. (2021). Time spent together in intimate relationships: Implications for relationship functioning. Contemporary family therapy, 43, 226-233.
(2)Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. Family process, 43(3), 301-314.
(3)Johnson, M. D., & Anderson, J. R. (2013). The longitudinal association of marital confidence, time spent together, and marital satisfaction. Family process, 52(2), 244-256.
Leave a Reply