Just this past Thursday, I lashed out at hubby because of some project with our organization that he hasn’t settled yet. I have been reminding him for the past months to finish it, but nothing’s progressing since the last time he attended to it. And since I’m the wife, it’s me whom the leaders keep on texting. Honestly, I really don’t want to be involved with it that’s why I always tell him to settle the project because it’s stressing me already. But then he said nothing.
So late afternoon time, he was sulky. Thursday night is our couples caring group night and we were assigned to be the worship and sharing leaders. Then from out of the blue he told me, “I’ll just drop you off at the building.” Then I said, “What? Aren’t you going to attend our CG?” “No, I’ll just go to the gym tonight.” I imploringly said, “But we’re the leaders tonight.” He protested, “I don’t want to be the worship leader, I’m not in the mood.” So I resolved it by saying, “Ok, I’ll take in charge during worship, you lead the sharing.”
As he went downstairs, I didn’t like the way he looked, it was clear that he lost his mood because of what I did earlier. I was ready to confront him and tell him, “Can you blame me for bursting out on you? I’m already stressed. I did not lack in reminding you.” And when I started following him, I instantly remember what sis Roxi shared during our mommy-wifey caring group. Her husband told him, “If I am upset, let me be upset.” And so I halted and told myself, “OK!”
I let him be upset and did not bother him. I waited till his mood lighten up. And when he started smiling at our baby, I approached him immediately and make lambing. I really don’t want to be the worship leader so I told him, “You’re good and spontaneous at leading our worship, you should lead it not me.” After I did a little more coaxing, he finally obliged. And we’re friends again =)
This experience made me realized that it’s not only women who have the right to be upset about both rational and irrational things. Men have the right too. So yeah, if they are upset, instead of correcting their behavior, let’s allow them to be upset. After all it will not take long that they’ll feel ok soon. And this is one of the instances where relationship is more important than the feeling of being right and reasonable.
And about the project, seems like I really have to involve myself with it. Argh!
So what about you?
Have you found yourself in this situation with anybody? What did you do?
Yup, my husband told me that in one of our quarrels. So, instead of my usual “Why are upset? There’s nothing to be upset about.” , I let him pour out his anger without interruption.
That’s nice sis! para walang naiipon.
In one of the couple’s seminar, one pastor said ‘whoever got mad first has the right to be mad’. I like this kasi pag naunang nagalit si hubby, I have to give way for his feelings para hindi kami magclash. Likewise if I get mad first. At times, we really have to give them the floor, may tantrums din naman sila minsan. hehe 😀
I like that piece of advice, ‘whoever got mad first has the right to be mad.’ Thanks for sharing! =)
Hi Nova! It’s nice that you have a caring group 🙂 Between hubby and I, I’m the one who gets upset more. And what he does is really to let me be just upset. Because he knows that after a few minutes, I’ll be back to my normal phase after a little reflection lol! It’s also better to talk things over when the upset party has cooled down already 🙂
Hi Erlaine! same here, I am the one who gets upset more too, LOL! My husband is a very patient man that’s why he rarely gets upset. And like you, I also return easily to my normal mood. Yeah, it’s really important to talk things out and express yourself to avoid piling up of issues. Hope you can join us on our next mommy-wifey caring group. It’s really fun! 🙂
Wow. Never ako nagpatalo sa tantrums ni husband. Kasi nga “abugado” ako sabi niya. Haha! But now, I will let him be a brat nga minsan. I will try. Sometimes kasi I just ignore, but not really let him. Inaasar ko pa nga, nakakatuwa ‘pag napipikon eh. But we want to live a God-centered marriage, so I will do what Camille’s pastor advised them.
Btw, nice blog template. Clean. 🙂
Thanks sis! Try mo lang minsan, hindi ka naman nag-iisa, hehehe.
Whenever my hubby gets mad, I just let him be and wait until his head cools off. Or, Until when I think my lambing powers can overcome his anger. I’ve learned from experience and from our 5 years of marriage (and many more years to come), na walang mangyayari kapag sinabayan ng init ng ulo ang isa pang mainit ng ulo. Baka lalo lang kumulo.
Haay totoo, pag parehong nagsisigawan, walang magkakarinigan… kapitbahay ang makakarinig LOL!
Yeah we usually have our misunderstandings and sometimes really fight. But the next day when everyone is calmed we usually talk it over. I usually tell him to voice out his anger because men by nature keep it to themselves.
That’s nice sis that you talk it over. Sabi nga, mas delikado yung mga salitang hindi nasasabi.
Yes I guess we all need to let off some steam every now and then. Making up is the best part:-)
Wow! Parang di ko kaya magpatalo kay hubby lalo na pag alam kong ako ang tama. Hehehe! 😀
Hi Ms. Nova, thanks for this very helpful advice. 🙂 More often than not, whenever my husband is upset, I “unintentionally” seem to provoke more heated argument by always pointing out his mistakes rather than letting him be. Ayan tuloy, instead of helping him out with his problems, lalo pa akong dumadagdag. Now I know what to do next time. 🙂 Thanks a lot.
Hi Abi!
Thanks for dropping by. Ay naku, you’re not alone, I think we’re all guilty of that. What matters is nagkakaron tayo ng self-awareness and we seek to improve ourselves. =)